Joke Time

[bonneyman]

Dating in your 40's is like shopping at Goodwill.

Few options
Questionable quality
Gently used   

[j.a.f.e.]

What's the best kind of dog for retrieving data?

A labragoogle.

[j.a.f.e.]

I have airport disease. It's terminal.

[j.a.f.e.]

I have a fear of giants.

Feefiphobia.

[j.a.f.e.]

My 10th grade English teacher  was lecturing "In English," she said, "a double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."

A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."

[j.a.f.e.]

I worked at a muffler shop, but had to quit because it was exhausting.

[j.a.f.e.]

My wife just incorrectly used the term "mansplaining" and now I don't know what to do.

[j.a.f.e.]

The Mars rover Curiosity is still working after 13 years on the planet. The latest picture returned finally shows signs of life.
  You cannot view this attachment.

[j.a.f.e.]

No matter how good the handsoap smells it's never a good idea to walk out of the bathroom sniffing your fingers.

[j.a.f.e.]

Not all metal fab is equally exciting. Fastening sheets of metal together is riveting, but enlarging a hole is boring.

[Muddy]

Tonight we are having Himalayan rabbit stew for dinner. We found Himalayan in the road.

[j.a.f.e.]

Have you heard about the new corduroy pillows?
 They're making headlines everywhere!

[j.a.f.e.]

An elderly couple had just learned how to send text messages on their phones. The wife was a romantic type and the husband was more of a no-nonsense guy.
One afternoon the wife went out to meet a friend for coffee. She decided to send her husband a romantic text message and she wrote:

"If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you."

The husband texted back to her:

"I'm on the toilet. Please advise."

[j.a.f.e.]

I quit my job at the helium gas factory not long ago. I refused to be spoken to in that tone of voice.

[j.a.f.e.]

What's the best part of Switzerland?

I don't know but the flag's a big plus.